21st CENTURY LEADERSHIP COMMUNICATION

     It's strange what things we remember from our childhood, the things that many times stand out for no apparent reason. For me, one of those seemingly unimportant events, which I remember as vivid as if it occurred yesterday, was when my father, an aeronautical engineer by training, said to me, "Once you are out of school for a few years, you will likely never use the technical skills you learned earning your degree. Everything becomes about dealing with other people, managing other people." And, how correct he was.
     Yet, why are we all so terrible at communicating with other humans, even when we, intellectually, know exactly what we should say and what we should not say? Since this skill set is paramount to our business and life success, JAM Views periodically focuses on the tips and guides for effective communication. This talent is just like all the rest; we think certain lucky people just naturally have it, and most of the rest of us do not. But, in fact, this great talent is an acquired skill learned with great focus, great effort and innumerable mistakes and failures along the way. The list of reminders is probably infinite, but let's just touch on 10 quick ones this week:

1. Become a Dale Carnegie expert. As many of you know, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" has been required reading for every organization I have had the privilege to lead, to include investment firms, restaurants, charities, and even federal prison classrooms. Let's address two easy concepts here. First, remember and use people's NAMES. The sweetest sound to another is the sound of their own name. Stop using the weak excuse that you are "bad at remembering names." People in your company, civic groups, and neighborhood will be shocked that you now remember their names, and your status, likeability, and wealth will skyrocket simply from this new skill. Second, give others a fabulous reputation to live up to. If you constantly tell your spouse how amazing they are, your children how brilliant they are, and your employees how exceptional they are, they will be. They want to believe that you are correct, and they will, eventually, do everything possible to emulate your opinion. Then when you constantly reiterate this opinion of them to the full company, the community, and the entire industry, your people will naturally rise to the reputation you have cemented for them. It is magical to watch.

2. Outside of those rare moments when you must correct unacceptable behavior, in private, everything else must be positive, all of the time. As the leader, the world is constantly watching you, especially when you least expect it. For the Boys and Girls Club to raise enough money to build the state-of-the-art center for the kids, and for your investment firm to outbid Goldman Sachs to handle Uber's IPO, the only option is to be wildly optimistic. Michael Lewis wrote of Israeli psychologist Amos Tversky, "Amos willed himself to be optimistic, because he had decided that pessimism was stupid. When you are a pessimist and the bad thing happens, you live it twice."

3. The Buddhists and Siddha Gurus know that people feel you much more than they see you or hear you. This is a little difficult to understand initially, since we are conditioned that we communicate through our voice. But, we are beings comprised of pure energy, deep inside every cell and atom in our body. When we are communicating with another person, or with an auditorium full of shareholders, we are bombarding them with our energy, positive or negative. They like us, believe us, and want to do business with us because of this energy. Most of the time they don't even understand what we are talking about, or what the PowerPoint slides explain, but they want to do business with us because of how we make them feel. You cannot fake this energy. For it to be positive, welcoming, compassionate, and full of hope and excitement, you must truly believe this in yourself. You must develop a strong, positive, courageous self-belief for you to then be able to exude this energy and lead others.

4. Oldie but a goodie - Every correction must use the Sandwich Theory. "Bob, thank you for working all weekend on this report for the Board of Directors. I so appreciate your commitment to the team. Now, unfortunately, in this analysis we've used the wrong parameters and assumptions which radically skew the conclusions. I am going to need you to pull an all-nighter to fix this before the meeting. And, listen, even though we stumbled on this project, I want you to know that I greatly appreciate the effort you are putting in. I can truly see it rubbing off on a number of your partners in the AI group."

5. The goal is to accomplish the mission. It is not to focus on "the principle." 99% of the world is unprincipled, yet they constantly argue for themselves, or hold a grudge against someone else, "because it's just the principle of it!" Get over it, forget it, and focus on the goal.

6. Repeat what they say. Aside from the fun we have at cocktail parties repeating back to people exactly what they say to us (Another Post), reiterating back just a little of exactly what your co-worker or investor spoke to you, verbatim, neurologically produces in their brain feelings of validation, trust and teamwork. Try it this week, and watch their reaction.

7. At the end of a meeting or conversation, reiterate and write down exactly what is expected, by whom, and when it is due. This extra 30-seconds saves contracts, relationships, and companies while the rest of the world leaves everything "floating." Lack of execution destroys all great intentions.

8. Don't speak in cliches, and don't say what everyone expects a normal manager to say. Start meetings exactly on time, and don't say to the latecomer, "Nice of you to grace us with your presence Ms. Murphy." When introducing the speaker at the charity ball, don't say, "And, without further adieu." Be original. Don't be predictable. Don't allow others to place you in the standard, mediocre box.

9. Leadership by example communicates more than one hundred years of speeches or memos could ever accomplish. To reiterate a quote from last week's post, "I can't hear what you're saying, because I'm too busy watching what you're doing."

10. Every communication must bring us back to our mission, our purpose, our goal. I, as the leader, must examine all of my statements to ensure they are congruent with our values and our game plan. Our communications must be laser-focused, consistent and constantly drive home why we are here. The superfluous commentary and distractions need to be deleted. Our company's culture "Cool-Aid" needs to be re-emphasized at every quarterly meeting and every annual retreat. All communications bring us back to the understanding of why, together, we started this journey in the first place.

     This week let's all promise to pause, breathe, and focus on exactly what we are communicating to the world. We may be surprised at how much success a little focused effort in this area will bring. Practice, Practice, Practice.

"Every now and then the things I lean on lose their meaning, and I find myself careening." - James Taylor

** For more information on Jeff's Blog, Books, and Legal Challenge, please visit www.jeffmartinovich.com
** To access JAM Views directly or to become a subscriber, please visit jeffreyamartinovich.blogspot.com
** Subscribe to JAM Views